stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk is not a location!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
