No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
