Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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