That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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