His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
