Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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