just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
