The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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