please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
