Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
