would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
