Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
