You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
