wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
