I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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