So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
