Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
