I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
