we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize