All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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