I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
