my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I could fuck to npr.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
