why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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