look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
