farters have to be the big spoon...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
