Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
