i think my tv is drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
