I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
