I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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