marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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