I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ketchup is God's man juice
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The Olympian is in my bed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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