You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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