I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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