Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
