Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
