i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
