this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You're like the curious george of whores
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
