Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize