I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
