She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
