Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
