Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
