It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
