it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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