Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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