i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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