So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
