Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
