A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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