I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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