Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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