I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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