first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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