garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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