I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
