Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
