i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
