Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
