Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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