Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
