So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
