i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
