I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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