Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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