I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
