i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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