She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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