K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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